Comments?: “Oh-my-gosh,” screamed Jasmine at the laughing boys ahead of her, “You dweebs got snow all over my

hair!”


Jasmine’s eyes, which had a tendency to look like the ocean, were filled with violent rage as she said, “I hate you! I’m never talking to you again!”


Then the three boys fell to the icy ground and laughed harder than ever. They could barely see infuriated Jasmine walk away for her eyes were filled with many tears. After she was out of sight they heard a bloodcurdling scream. The cries of joy halted and were replaced by crunching snow under their boots. As they neared a strange shape in the snow they slowed their running pace to a walk.


“Do you think we should be here?” inquired the smallest boy, “I can’t see the school.”


When they arrived at the mysterious figure they all gasped. She had long brown hair which was obviously straitened, a pale white face that was dotted with freckles, and of course she had heavy winter clothes on. It was Jasmine. But in her hands was a strange emerald bag. The smallest boy stepped back while the tallest reached for it, peaked in and screamed.

Comments?: “Oh-my-gosh,” screamed Jasmine at the laughing boys ahead of her, “You dweebs got snow all over my
i'm assuming you want comments because you wrote this yourself?


i am no expert at writing literature but i am a reader of novels


and the ending makes me yearn for more. what was in the bag? why did the smallest boy automatically know to move back?





but the part "which was obviously straitened" sounds awkward. might want to rephrase that sentence if you want to keep it in